Three weeks have passed since I posted on my blog. Since then the death of my father burst into my reality like an unexpected hurricane. The mourning period seems as if the universe was shifting on it’s axis and spinning at a rate beyond my control. The death of anyone close is a natural occurrence witnessed by all of us at some point in our lives. I like to think of it in relation to the sun casting it’s terrifying shadow as it fades into the mountain tops leaving us blanketed in darkness.
Delicate times such as these afflicting all of us during life is a painful transition. Only when I acknowledged the bigger force propelling me to witness another sunrise did I truly believe, trust and hope to create the powerful memory of my father’s legacy to generate hundreds of more brilliant sun rises in my future.
Hopefully you’ll allow me the voice to talk about my feelings during this hard time because, inevitably, it will happen to all of us. Each of us losing someone dear is like losing a part of ones inner self. Thankfully, fond memories continue to dance in ones mind. Nature is kind.
Profoundly I realized that we alone birthed ourselves into the world and alone we must face our death. Nature’s plan will continue forever more. Now don’t get me wrong, I felt the presence of each and every loving soul blanket me with their best felt wishes during my sadness. But in the end, I was alone and still am alone till my Winter comes. Alone in silence . Silent with much tranquility I eventually liberated myself from the horrific sadness.
A hypnotic state came over me as if the universe was indeed trying to communicate. Pushing itself on me by reminding me of my past practices in creating slowness in my life. By reminding me to accept the Seasons of the heart.
I took a long breath and listened.
Reflection is required for serenity of the spirit. This is a moment for us to naturally grow still to listen and slowly became absorbed by the intensity of all the sudden emotions being thrust upon the spirit. My reality at this moment in time is to experience painful growth. Pain is a part of all life.
An indescribable desire for quietness manifested itself only through my desire to quiet myself. I found myself sleeping more than usual. Only as I slept did I feel solitude to connect with my inner most spirit, the spirituality which heightens my awareness about the next chapter of my life. A feeling that only through deep rest could life regenerate. I needed to trust my dreams, allow the Winter seed to rest while awaiting for the warmness of the Spring.
It is by my being alone, quietly listening to my dreams and being appreciative of true friendship and companionship, that has lead me to embark on a more vigorous quest to make my life worthy. So, in the end I do rejoice for a new day and feel blessed I’m given another; only now with a deeper appreciation that life is still just holding my hand waiting for the day to set me free.